How many people do you know or think have emotional barriers or anger issues? Maybe it is your mom, dad, brother, sister, partner, or maybe it is you! Heated arguments or debates happen all the time. But how do you know if you have an “Anger Problem”?
Anger Issues and Emotional Barriers Defined
First off, anger is a legitimate feeling. Anger can be used as a warning sign, and offer you a signal of threat. With that said, It is typically considered a surface feeling. If you are not aware of this, it can become toxic. Typically, there are many deeper hidden feelings happening that is creating the reaction. Much of the time, anger happens because of a trigger event. Each individual has their own triggers for what makes them feel angry. Then, individuals briefly interpret the situation, then react. If you are clenching your jaw, have a rapid heart rate, tightening in your chest, sweaty palms, or find yourself shaking, you may be experiencing anger bubbling up. Therefore, it is important to recognize what is happening in your body first, so you can find ways to calm yourself down.
Some common triggers include:
- Feeling threatened or attacked
- Feeling frustrated
- Not feeling validated or if treated unfairly
- A feeling of not being respected
- Not being listened to or understood
How Emotional Barriers Impact Relationships
It is common if one person is angry, the other person may also get angry or withdraw. When this happens, it can often create a destructive power struggle if it goes on too long. This can create more tension, distance and disconnection. Often, people hide under their emotions. This can make it challenging to reconnect, repair and come together again. Not talking about our emotions can create long-term resentments. This is why it is important to address and acknowledge what is happening in your body, and reactions toward others. Finding a mentor, or someone or a group, who can help support you during your journey can help.
If You Lose Control
In the heat of the moment, sometime we say or do things we later regret. Some of the emotional barriers of anger lie around fear, desires and unmet needs. Emotional barriers are referred to as the walls that interfere with healthy communication with others. When your are overwhelmed by emotional barriers, you are either unwilling or experience problems or cope with them in ways that are loving and supportive. This is why losing control can create shame and guilt. Some examples of emotional barriers are below.
Anger / Pride
Depression or Anxiety
To help create more mindfulness, try to take a walk, exercise, listen to positive podcasts or calming music to help you think more positively about yourself, your life and situation. Anger is a natural human emotion and doesn’t have to be negative. It is a process of finding better ways of coping with the emotional barriers. The goal is to minimize the number of angry occurrences to maintain proper mental and physical health.
Learn to Have Compassion for Yourself
People always want more compassion. But they aren’t always sure how to access it. Luckily though, compassion, empathy, and understanding is part of being human and you can easily tap into these characteristics and embody these traits as a practice in life.
Here are some signs that you might need help with your anger and self-love:
- You spend more time thinking about the things you’d like to do than actually doing them.
- Fear or scared of failing or being rejected.
- You doubt and criticize yourself A LOT.
- Do you find that you let yourself “off the hook” and don’t always follow through on the commitments you make?
- Often, you compare yourself to other people and feel you come up short.
- You never feel like you’re good enough.
Accepting who you are is always the first step to cultivating a more peaceful mindset. This means releasing any resentments via a journal, or letting go of expectations you’ve got around being like someone else. Self-sabotage can lead you down a dark path. Instead of trying to be the person you think you should be, just be you. Follow your path and journey of growth, mindfulness and explore what that means for you.
After self-acceptance comes action. Because action breeds confidence. Anger isn’t something that just appears. It means feeling the insecurity or anxiety and having the awareness to move through the emotions. It means not letting the anger control the outcome.
Try This Exercise
With that in mind, here’s an exercise I’d love for you to try.
Forget about everyone else and go look in the mirror. Most importantly, think about what it is that makes you special or unique. What do you do really well? What are you grateful for? Make a journal and make a list of the positives. Now, make a list of all your resentments. We all have gifts, talents, and qualities. This can be a time to let go of the above things that may be holding you back, and give yourself some love and compassion. To sum up, make this a daily practice. Emotional barriers do not have to dictate your life. Now is the time to seek out some support, start recognizing your patterns and make changes starting today. In conclusion, this is the only life you have. Now is the time to start living the life you always dreamed of.